Alright, so here goes nothing- my take on what NBC’s schedule for next year will (probably not even remotely) look like. I’m not going to lie… it proved insanely hard to think about launching new shows with more or less no established properties to provide lead-ins. Comcast is going to have some fun putting lipstick on this pig, let me tell you. 2012-2013 can’t get here soon enough for the Peacock.
8 pm – Chuck: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And this is one of the very few things on NBC that ain’t broke.
9 pm – The Cape: This riveting costumed hero show about a wrongly accused cop was a critical darling and ratings smash in its debut seas- wait, what? The Cape was absolute crap and was summarily canceled? Totally didn’t see that one coming, what with the truly excellent American accent by the leading man, and the not at all cheesy everything else. Well, shit. Now what am I going to do? How about this. I schedule what looks to be an equally crappy costumed hero show and go with Wonder Woman. Suck it David E. Kelly, enjoy playing golf in October.
10 pm – 17 Precinct: That’s right, I’m going all-genre on Monday night (even though this show is screaming “Friday Night Death Slot”). It pains me to schedule this show after Wonder Woman, as I’m legitimately excited for Ronald D. Moore’s first series post-Battlestar (what’s that? there was a show called Caprica? Ican’thearyouIcan’thearyou). 17th Precinct is about a bunch of cops in an alternate version of San Francisco, where there’s magic instead of science. I’ve heard it described as “Harry Potter meets Law and Order,” but since that sounds pretty lame, lets instead say that it’s “CSI: Miami meets something that sucks way less than CSI: Miami. With magic.” There. That’s better.
8 pm – I’m one night into the week and I’m pretty sure I’ve already made a complete hash of things. I’m going to get back on track by scheduling The Voice.
9 pm – For two full hours. That’s what you do right? Put your big reality contests on Tuesdays at 8, for two hours? Honestly, I should just go find out where FOX plans on putting X-Factor, because you just know NBC is going to fuck with Simon after FOX tried to screw with the launch of The Voice by super-sizing Glee.
(Biggest Loser comes back here in the 8-10 slot at mid-season)
10 pm – Parenthood: Seems to do ok numbers, is well liked by critics (such as myself) and I see no reason why it wouldn’t remain here. Actually, scratch that. They’ll bring this back mid-season after launching something new following The Voice. And the thing NBC has pinned the most on is… (well, Wonder Woman, but I already fucked that up, now didn’t I) Prime Suspect. So I say Prime Suspect (a remake of the famed British series) goes here in the fall. Plus I like the symmetry of one Berg show giving way to another.
8 pm – Harry’s Law: I now have my second David E. Kelly show on my schedule. Shoot me.
9 pm – REM: A documentary about Michael Stipe, as he saves the world one recycling container at a time. Seriously though, it’s about a cop that is in a horrible accident, and is now experiencing life in two different realities- one in which his wife died, and one in which his son died. Had a working title of Incredibly Depressing Life on Mars, but they changed it for some reason.
10 pm – Law and Order: SVU/Law and Order: Los Angeles: As of this writing, neither of these shows has been renewed, but I have to think that one of them gets picked up, lest Dick Wolf leave a severed horse’s head in the bed of whoever runs Comcast (I assume it’s Jack’s boss from 30 Rock). This completes my “Wednesday nights are crime procedural nights” theme.
8 pm – Oh thank god. The only night that would make life as an NBC exec worth living. Typing the word Community is like getting a cool drink of amazing show water after crossing a desert of seriously?! we fucking greenlit this?!
8:30 pm –Free Agents: Not even sure if this is a 30 minute comedy, but I know its a comedy dammit! It’s from John Enbom (Party Down) who I absolutely love, and it stars Giles from Buffy and Moe from The Simpsons, so I’m expecting big, big things.
9 pm – The Office: I don’t know its going to be good, but I know that as long as it’s on the air, it gets 9 pm.
9:30 pm – Parks and Rec: I assume that the best show on tv doesn’t get bumped to mid-season two years in a row.
10 pm – 30 Rock: Hello Liz Lemon, it’s Tracy! The black guy from work!
10:30 pm – Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea: I hate that this show exists almost as much as I hate that its going to be on after 30 Rock. Take this also to mean that if Outsourced gets renewed, it’ll come back mid-season. Or in the third week in September when Vodka gets canceled (TV show death-pools take note, this is the odds on favorite).
8 pm – Who Do You Think You Are?: I have never seen a second of this reality show, but the internet informs me that it is one of the few returning shows that NBC has actually renewed for next year (somewhere, Brandon Tartikoff is rolling over). I guess I’ll put it here.
9 pm – Metro: Jimmy Smits got a show (or rather “show”) on NBC Friday’s last fall, so let’s run it back! Metro is about a web of crime and policework in Los Angeles. Also known as “we really wish we hadn’t sold Southland for ten cents on the dollar.” Jeff Zucker really is the gift that keeps on giving (no matter how much you beg him, for the love of God, to stop giving).
10 pm – Grimm: It’s about a cop who discovers that characters from fairy tales actually live among us, and he sets out to protect them. Basically, it’s Fables (the excellent series of comics), but doesn’t involve the people behind Fables as far as I can tell. I’m putting it on Friday, because that’s where most genre shows get sent to die. It sounds like something I’d like, but I’m assuming no one watches.
8 pm – Football Night in America. Since this runs for 3+ hours, I believe my work here is done.