The Voice: Riding High and Second Chances

The Voice on NBC

“The Voice” is riding high!  Initial reviews of the show have been all around positive, with many proclaiming that it’s far and away better than Idol.

Since I can’t say no to an episode of “Law & Order” (original, SVU, CI, and now LA), I’m really, really sick of the commercials for “The Voice”, especially that country chick who howls and throws her hand up.  Okay, we get it – everyone loves “The Voice”.  I’m going to love it less if you don’t stop shoving it down my throat though.

This episode promised to move a bit more quickly, since the coaches had to pick 5 team members each in the same time it took them to pick 3 team members each last week.  How did they do it: easy, just didn’t show a few of the contestants who get picked.  Don’t get too attached to those ones.

My crush on Adam Levine is just growing and growing.  The little cuckoo whistle in Christina’s direction?  I loved it.  And the dropped name joke for Cee Lo?  HAR HAR.  And the not-so-subtle diss on American Idol?  Did you catch that?  (That the people they were passing on would win “American Idol”, but that they are looking for something more.)  Way to throw down, Adam!

Do you think Blake Shelton means it when he tells all those contestants that he was going to push his button for them if no one else did?  Easy to say, Blake!  And in case you missed it – because they mentioned it twice – Blake Shelton is engaged to Miranda Lambert!!

The Contestants

Cherie Oakley is a background singer, and is the one who has been terrorizing you via the aforementioned NBC commercials.  (Also, Carson – of course she knows who Miranda Lambert is, HELLO!)

Devon Barley looks like Kevin Covais, and I couldn’t stand Kevin Covais.  He is, however, from Massachusetts, so I hope he makes my home state proud.  Plus his dad is hot!  Vocally, I thought he was just okay (to use Randy’s favorite word, he was a little pitchy), and the coaches waited so long that I thought he might not even be picked.

I can’t decide if Joshua Scott Hand was a douche or a tool (there’s a fine line, I know).  First, he still wears a wallet chain, which I think stopped being cool about fifteen years ago.  Like Adam, I didn’t know what song he was singing (“Paparazzi”) until the chorus and I could barely understand him.

Raquel Castro wants to play up the young/innocent angle, but this girl clearly doesn’t have any confidence issues.  She’s been dreaming of “this” since she was 4 years old – dreaming of what?  Auditioning for a TV show that didn’t even exist?  Dream high, Raquel!  Do you think Vicci and Raquel got together and worked on their facial contortions?  She landed on Christina’s team, so we won’t get the inevitable Face Scrunch-Off between the two.

Emily Valentine wants us to believe that people don’t expect her to have her talent because of the way she looks.  Is she referring to the tattoos and the giant holes in her ears?  The reveal was a little bit of a letdown, because there’s nothing super weird or freaky about her.  I thought she started a bit rough, but finished strong.  No surprising that she ended up on Cee Lo’s team – Blake didn’t fight too hard for her.

Tim Mahoney really stunned Adam.  Adam’s expression when he turned around and realized Tim has a Y chromosome was probably better than Tim’s performance itself, which was mostly forgettable.

Julia Eason – half-Asian, WHAT UP! – started off a little shaky I thought, but she finished strong.  Umm, of course Christina loved her runs and ad-libs – has Christina ever listened to herself?  She’s the Queen of Melisma.

I’m not really sure why we needed to know that Tyler Robinson is gay and Mormon.  If I were Tyler’s dad, I think I’d be more annoyed that he outted himself while auditioning for a reality TV competition than that he was gay.  But I digress.  Tyler sang The Commish’s most favoritest song ever (“Hey, Soul Sister”), and took a page out of Paul McDonald’s Idol performance book and flailed around, proving that once again, white guys have no moves.  Also: officially re-christened Drew Carey for the remainder of the show.

At the start of the second hour, we finally got to see the already-so-awesome-that-he-only-goes-by-one-name, Nakia, whose performance of “Forget You” has been teased ad nauseam during promotions for the show.  Nakia wants to win The Voice.  I want him to get a shave and a haircut (six bits!).  I wasn’t very impressed, but alas, he’s here to stay, Team Cee Lo (SHOCKER)!

Dia Frampton writes children’s novels (this requires some Googling… is she a “writer” the same way Elenowen and Nakia are already music “artists”).  She’s also prone to the dramatic and talks in a baby voice that’s sure to be annoying.  Also, what the hell was she wearing?  Did someone hack away at her overalls (which are not cool, no matter what “Vogue” tells you) or are those just some super hideous high-waisted jeans?  I liked her at first, until she got to all the weird articulations after the first verse.  And if she mentions how scared, terrified, and on the verge of death she is, I will punch her in the face.

Does Curtis Grimes have a name made for country music or what?  He’s got a really nice tone to his voice (and a hat! and a guitar!), and at least he’s not horrible to watch while he sings (looking at YOU, Scotty from Idol).

I’m dubbing Tori and Taylor Thompson the State Fair Pageant Girls.  Why?  Because I can!  I’m writing these recaps, watching every single second of this show, so if a couple of pig farmer chicks show up in their Delia’s jean ensembles and ringlets, I can call them State Fair Pageant Girls if I want to!  I thought they were just okay, but nothing remarkable.  Most of the comments centered around their adorableness, and let’s hope that Cee Lo can hook them up with a stylist.

The Rejects

So this answers my question from last week about the size of the contestant pool.  There was a small surplus of artists, eight of whom were brought back for a second chance.

Lily Elise did not impress me.  She hung out in her lower register a little too much, and it was kind of hard to listen to sometimes.  Christina got her wish though, and got back the girl she regretted passing on.  Xtina’s team is officially Team Pink Taco, with only one male amongst the eight.

OH NO.  Little Miss “No Back-up Plan” Sonia Rao was back.  Looks like my celebrations last week were a little premature.  Sonia tackled Adele, proving again that (amateur) singers MUST STOP SINGING ADELE SONGS.  You cannot compete.  Clearly Sonia’s not that good if she was passed on twice.  Celebrations begin anew!

Blake Shelton got Jared Blake, whom he had wanted originally.

How much does Casey Weston want to be Taylor Swift?  She’s already got the ringlets and the giant guitar!  She actually reminds me more of Sheryl Crow, and she landed herself a spot on Team Hottie.

Angela Wolff butchered our third Adele performance of the blind auditions (I don’t care if Adam did push his button).  And hello, if you are going to sing an Adele song badly, you could at least GET THE WORDS RIGHT.  She had least four major flubs that I counted.  Hated her when she initially auditioned (but didn’t bother to write about her since she was rejected), and still hate her.  Appropriate hatename forthcoming.

Team Additions This Week

Adam: Devon Barley, Casey Desmond, Tim “Not-A-Girl” Mahoney, Casey Weston, Ashley Wolff

Cee Lo: Niki Dawson, Nakia, Emily Valentine, State Fair Pageant Girls, Curtis Grimes

Christina: Cherie Oakley, Justin Grennan (who sang The Commish’s other most favoritest song EVER), Raquel Castro, Julia Eason, Lily Elise

Blake: Sara Oromchi, Drew Carey, Serabee (another artist whose already so cool she only needs one name), Dia Frampton, Jared Blake

Programming Notes

Next week, The Voice moves to 10/9C, presumably dropping to an hour-long show.  Still on Tuesdays.  Still on NBC.

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One Response to The Voice: Riding High and Second Chances

  1. thecommish says:

    To clarify: wallet chains were at no point cool.

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