11:36 – And with the win by The King’s Speech, we’ve come to the end. Worst Oscars ever? Worst Oscars ever.
11:17 – And we’ve officially moved into the Jack’s complete lack of surprise portion of the evening. Portman wins with Firth and The King’s Speech sure to follow.
11:07 – Lifetime Achievement Award time. Maybe I should go do my taxes now.
11:03 – Hooper wins Best Director. This baby is O-V-E-R.
11:02 – Hillary Swank Oscar appearances just aren’t the same without creep Chad Lowe in tow.
10:52 – I see dead people!
10:50 – At this rate we’ll need a tribute to the first hour of the Oscar telecast by the time we’re done.
10:44 – Last time I heard AR Rahman he was backing Sting on Desert Rose.
10:42 – Hathaway clearly has a contact high from standing next to Franco all night long.
10:34 – Paging Mr. Gervais. Mr. Ricky Gervais, please report to the host’s podium.
10:26 – Billy Crystal is about 2 hours too late.
10:20 – If only T-Pain were at the Oscars.
10:17 – I would say that right now is a good time for a bathroom break but that’s been the entire last hour.
10:09 – Clearly what this awards show needs is 100% more Phil Collins.
10:06 – Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!
9:58 – Rick Baker is now only three Oscars short of finally opening that home bowling alley.
9:48 – I had no idea that one of the guys on Millionaire Matchmaker also did sound mixing.
9:41 – If only movies were still silent, then I could stomach Megan Fox.
9:34 – The Oscars badly need a streaker right about now.
9:28 – The Best Foreign Language film winner is available via the SAP button on your remote control.
9:26 – And now James Franco will haunt my dreams forever…because he looks so damn good in a dress.
9:24 – Anne Hathaway is taking this year’s Oscar lesbian movement to heart at the moment.
9:15 – They should make Aaron Sorkin give his acceptance speak while walking down a hallway.
9:06 – How to Train Your Dragon is coincidentally also the name of a 1970s era teenage abstinence film.
9:04 – Banksy!
9:00 – Who would have thought that the dump button would be used first on Melissa Leo and not Russell Brand.
8:58 – Helena Bonham-Carter is so pissed she’s going to cast a spell on Kirk Douglas.
8:57 – No makeup plus fake accent equals Oscar gold.
8:52 – So they try to attract the youngsters into watching by talking about Gone with the Wind and trotting out Kirk Douglas?
8:48 – I’ve realized that Franco is right, the only way to make it through this thing is blitzed on something, time to break open the scotch.
8:45 – Because nothing says please keep watching the Oscars like starting with the Best Art Direction award.
8:42 – And Hanks is tagged in to provide a little class to the evening.
8:40 – Ten minutes in, and the choice of hosts already seems to be a very, very bad idea.
8:37 – If only Alec Baldwin could be Jack Donaghy at all times.
8:29 – Will someone explain to me why Sharktopus was not nominated this evening?
8:28 – Time for 3:30 to 4 hours of mind numbing self-congratulatory television.
8:19 – Why why ABC must you make me wait until tomorrow morning for this earth shattering Britney Spears announcement? The world deserves to know.
8:15 – Sadly Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance this evening will pale in comparison to the Grammys without the Muppets as the backing band.
8:12 – Oscar Counter Programming Alert – Three Hours of Minute to Win it on NBC right now!
8:07 – Shouldn’t the countdown clock be telling us how long until the Charlie Sheen interview on Tuesday night instead?
8:05 – James Franco, clearly stoned already. This bodes well for this evening.
8:04 – James Franco has somehow found time in his busy General Hospital shooting schedule to host the Oscars.
8:00 – Welcome to Oscar night!
Pregame – Will hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway top Joel McHale’s emcee turn at last night’s Independent Spirit Awards? Find out night with the 83rd Annual Academy Award Liveblog by following us here or on Twitter @cbzimmerman starting at 8 pm ET.